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Work on yourself in a group or always be alone?

I have been a professional and group coach for 40 years. After a few coaching therapies, I advise my client friends to join an empathy-based membership group like a spiritual sangha.

The main reason is to counter loneliness, to recreate a different friendship network based on empathy and thus to nourish and enhance self-esteem and confidence.

Let me explain.

Most often, the work on oneself refers to the therapeutic work of coaching two by two. It took you a few years of searching before you found or stumbled upon the person and method that worked for you: the right person for you, the right method for you, the right pace of sessions for you.

Let's admit that all of us who are honestly working on our awareness of our affects, our capacities, our shortcomings, our personal restrictions, our values as well as our reticence and mental programming, that the right person for us, in therapy and/or personal coaching, is the one who welcomes us as we are with a bright smile, happy to see us again, who is sympathetic and empathetic to us, and who demonstrates by his or her presence that we are a little like him or her, i.e. bright, kind and welcoming. Even if we courageously uproot the origins of our family, social, love, work and life issues and sometimes remain sad, after a session of sometimes unglamorous discoveries, we leave our meetings relieved, filled with tenderness and with solutions or tools to exercise to relieve our anxiety, anguish, our grief or our lack of sacred meaning to life and this for the time of waiting for the next appointment.

But no matter how professional our coach is, no matter what his diplomas and accredited certificates are, no matter what his spiritual path is, no matter what his normally obligatory resourcing is, when we go home, it has hardly changed our impression of loneliness and this oppressive uneasiness to feel that we are not or not very well understood by our entourage.

Do you ever wonder why everything seems to stay the same and sometimes worse when you've made so much progress in your awareness over the years?

The answers given by a better understanding of the resonance effect, the transference effect, and the mirror effect seem to hold up. For these three facts are of paramount importance in your quest for meaning. And you experience them more deeply in a group training than in a two-to-one coaching therapy.


American researchers have put helmets on caregivers and recipients and when this goes well, they have observed that the same areas of their brains light up and resonate. P. Van Eeersel

If this really happens between you and your therapist-coach and the best of both of them light up when they come into contact with each other, imagine what happens in a group work on yourself! The beneficial effect of the resonance phenomenon for each member of the group is quintupled!

Your whole luminous being vibrates on countless different vibrations. In a spiritually based group, the rule is normally benevolence and empathy. When the group process is conducted professionally, this resonance is an unprecedented benefit for all.

In individual work, you are left alone with this vibrational effect. When you return home, it tends to fade away by itself.

In a group, the resonance effect continues as long as you want to keep some contact with the group or with certain members of the group. Then, in contact with these other people, you learn, with time, to be a transmitter of beneficial resonances and more and more with your own, relatives, friends, work and your society.


The effect of transference and counter-transference is a neural aspect that comes into play in the resonance system. I have known patients with whom I felt really good. And others with whom I ended the interview exhausted. B. Cyrulnik

Transference and counter-transference are ways of apprehending the other according to happy or unhappy memories.

This effect plays out in a nourishing or constraining resonance in the therapeutic relationship.

In a professionally led group, the skilled and conscious coach uses resonance so that everyone can feed off it positively. This will have the effect of raising the power of creativity and resilience in everyone. Everyone can communicate positively with each other and reinforce the catalytic effects of will, courage and creative ideas brought about by the magic of resonance.

In a one-to-one therapeutic relationship, the professional knows how to use them to bring the patient into the awareness necessary for their well-being. But it will always be difficult for him to communicate these awarenesses with those around him because he has done them alone and according to a certain method. Also, the effects will remain, most of the time, as an inner secret. And this inner secret will develop a language apart from his community of interest and the discomfort of solitude may seem to him, in the more or less long term, even more painful.

The mirror function is the basis of empathy. P.V.Ersel

The mirror effect is a recent discovery in neuropsychology. However, the ancients knew it. Our medical wheels only work in this direction. Because the mirror effect is the basis of empathy, forgiveness, tolerance and therefore of spiritual human values giving meaning to your life.

In a group, the mirror effect is very simple to understand. A wise group therapist knows it, sees it, hears it. He or she will work to ensure that this effect creates lasting friendships, networking, joyful sharing and more for everyone. The mirror effect serves as the context and origin of the perfect Synchronicities. Through the mirror effect of an empathetic solidarity group, inner wellbeing sets in and you reconnect positively with others. Your behaviors and your language will adjust naturally and by empathy to the others which will have a positive and magic relational effect from your esteem and your confidence found within your other groups of belonging. (family, friends, work).

The work on oneself, two by two, is more limited. The mirror effect remains limited. Even if it takes place thanks to the confidence gained during the sessions, it is more difficult to transmit it to your other groups.

Researchers are making enormous progress in understanding how we function. They are proving more and more that our brain is social! We might as well say that rubbing shoulders with others, working with others, joining a group with spiritual qualities, would be advisable at the risk of remaining alone! Because the effect of resonance, transfer and mirrors play a crucial positive role, vital and necessary to our well-being.

Professional coach ( CQPNL)

40 years of expertise at your service.

Yogui, artist, speaker, motivator.

M.A. Religious Anthropology

Bacc: Philosophy and Letters.

tel: 450-601-4169

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